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Most of us have some kind of idea in our minds about how a "good" or "correct" Relationship is supposed to be. We can cause ourselves needless distress by comparing our own relationships with such an idea of what a Complicated Relationship "should be like" and then concluding that our own is defective by comparison. Psychologists may imply something of that sort when they formulate criteria for a "healthy relationship" which few real couples ever meet. There are many kinds of relationships,and a given kind may fit a given person at one stage of development but not at another. Driven by our personal history, we choose partners who help us meet our present needs, fulfill our expectations, and if we're lucky, work throughour issues and grow in the directions in which we need to grow. For a couple, recognizing this can open doors to a broader spectrum of ways of being with ourselves and each other.
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