Final Excuse Pro for Mac

From The Daily Grind Network:

The premier excuse confabulation solution for people bereft of credibility and imagination, Final Excuse Pro can make excuses for transgressions ranging from late assignments and social gaffs to war-crimes. Specify your own scapegoat, or rely on the pre-installed library encompassing pets, subordinates, relatives, highly paid advisors, the Global Monkey Conspiracy and more.

A new era has dawned. An era in which perfectly plausable and believable excuses are a mouseclick away, for even the most defective user.

Sample excuses:

• You can't blame me for my tardiness... the free muffin you get with every tenth methadone-assisted detox at Ronald McDone House elegantly fanned the flames engulfing my necrotic steam engine!
• Behold my prepared statement regarding arriving some considerable time after the meeting concluded... my rhabdomyolysis elegantly joined the EU, in the process dumping our wan Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi!
• Behold my prepared statement regarding that embarrassing social gaff... my computational fancy machine rashly sought to revive the iron maiden as an alternative to the turgid crumpet!