Based on a post on the Tilted Forum Project. Given a female's last period date and menstrual cycle length this program will give you an alert level similar to the Terror Alert Level given by the US Department of Homeland Security. Text is taken verbatum from willravel's post.
This program is intended for purely entertainment purposes and is not intended to endorse any sort of sexism. Feminist hate mail will be ignored. Anyway, my wife thinks it's pretty funny.