Tough love

Got your own spyware horror story?

Having serviced problematic PCs on a daily basis for the last seven years, I have seen plenty of malware problems. Honestly though, I have spent more time and effort and lost more hair over one particular computer than all others--my in-laws' home machine.

It's a normal Win XP Pro PC with all the usual prevention measures taken. The problem (I think) is the users: three younger kids and a careless parent, who surf the Net with no regard for the sites they visit and the banners they click. They don't listen to my warnings. They think I tell them to stay away from those things because "I don't like the Internet."

You might suggest I "install this" or "lock down that," but believe me, none of it has worked. I can't believe one machine can cost me so much of my life. Between AVG Anti-Virus (in reserve), Trend Micro PC-Cillin, Ad-Aware, and X-Soft, I usually find more than 100 malicious items on their machine, ranging from relatively harmless cookies to full-blown Trojan downloaders and spam zombies. I still spend about eight hours every month at their place trying to clean up their PC.

-John
Perth, Australia

Reply from the Download.com editors:

John, we know the kind of power in-laws can have, compelling friendly son-in-laws to perform annoying tasks for the sake of harmony in the home. Your dedication is commendable, but you are allowed to draw a line before you become a doormat for family who won't listen to your advice. There are ways to help that don't include indentured servitude.

It's clear the family is taking your IT skills for granted while rejecting your professional knowledge. It may be they need their education from a neutral source other than you. Two CNET Download.com features, How to avoid suspicious Web sites and How to secure your wireless network, may get through to those stubborn surfers. If that doesn't work, tough love may be the only thing to save your sanity.

Perhaps your in-laws don't understand the effects of malware, how prevalent sneaky scams really are, or they just don't appreciate the stress of cleaning a computer. If you've been Mr. Fix-it, they're probably confident you'll take care of the issues and will choose to live with pop-ups and slow performance until you restore their machine to perfect working health.

It's time to put your foot down and get your spouse on your side. Call a family meeting and (gently) inform your in-laws and their children that the free ride is over. Train them how to run scans and cleaners as you would, and give them a well-labeled disk of your most-used scanning and recovery programs. If you're feeling generous, include a read-me or how-to file for reference. Create a checklist of what not to click. Install Mozilla Firefox, which still attracts fewer exploits than Internet Explorer. Install the Web-site-safety diagnostic McAfee Site Advisor and remind everyone that red means "stop."

Hold firm on your position. Answer questions about how they can run programs and which programs you'd recommend, but don't perform scans or remove any malware. Let them appreciate your value, and learn from their own discomfort that simple prevention tactics are easier to deal with than a mess of malware. They'll come to respect your expertise and your ability to stand up for yourself.