Random

The Web out-Picassos itself: Welcome, sticky tape selfies

Your 3-year-old nephew loves to pull faces, doesn't he?

And he loves it when you pull faces too? In fact, you can spend whole hours just pulling faces at each other and laughing.

You're familiar, by now, with the fact that the Web is largely populated by 3-year-olds. It was only a matter of time and brain-sparking, therefore, before pulling faces captured the virtual world.

New, bright, spark-filled hashtags such as #sellotapeselfie or simply #sellotape don't merely contain faces pulled by natural means. No, they involve wrapping sticky tape around your head and seeing just how close to a Picasso you look.… Read more

Google: No, no. You've got Glass all wrong

Something I've learned over the last few years is that Google is always right.

It criticizes the NSA for snooping, when it quite happily crawls all over your e-mails. But it's right, because it's for your own good.

It pumps ads at you even when you're writing e-mails, but it's right to do so. Because these ads are far better than all the other ads you'll see on the Web.

And then there's Google Glass, which Google insists isn't a creepy, awkward intrusion into public and private life. So Google must be right.

Well, except that those who have so far resisted a Google chip being implanted into their brains still feel that Glass might be for the self-righteous, rather than the normal human being.

Of late, Google seems to have adopted a crouching posture, as the criticisms and humor have rained its way. … Read more

Billy Joel, Jimmy Fallon sing with an iPad app (No, it's really good)

Billy Joel didn't seem too sure at first.

One imagines he's a man of the old school: the dusty piano stool, the fool sitting in the corner talking into his beer.

He may be slightly less of a man for gizmos and apps.

Somehow, Jimmy Fallon, ever the boyish enthusiast, talked him into singing along with an iPad app called Loopy. This allows you to layer one track over another, so that you, too, can make like "Bohemian Rhapsody" (say).

Instead of "Bohemian Rhapsody," Fallon chose the "Boeem-a-weh" song. Yes, "The … Read more

Obama to Ellen: Your Samsung selfie was a pretty cheap stunt

President Obama and Ellen DeGeneres have both been recently promoted to sales associate.

The president is doing all he can to get as many young people to commit to his health care initiative, so that there's enough money to pay for those whose bodies are entering disrepair.

Ellen, on the other hand, turned presenting the Oscars into the opening of a Samsung store.

It was inevitable, then, that when the two met on her show, she would first mention the selfie she took with a number of famous stars -- the one that broke the retweet record held until … Read more

Not tonight, darling, I'm online shopping

I know that Nancy Reagan always encouraged us to "just say no."

But it's not easy, is it? Some people can be terribly insistent, nagging even. Some can sulk or get aggressive.

Thankfully, it seems that Americans have found a new way to tell their significant others that they don't have a significant mood for sex: they say they're busy online shopping.

You might think I'm making it up. And I might think that people who create these surveys are making it up too.

All I can tell you is that the cashback rewards … Read more

How to issue your own emotional Bitcoin

Traditional forms of currency just aren't current any more.

They're made of stupid, old-fashioned things like paper and metal.

Everyone knows that real value can only be online, virtual and, at best, semi-sincere.

So along comes the iOS app called GoodFor, which allows you to create your own personalized, meaningful and even entirely insincere IOUs, good for as long as you decide they're good.

This emotional Bitcoin is the brainchild of Satoshi Nakamoto, who, I understand, worked on some very secret and emotional projects at many institutions such as the US Postal Service and Starbucks.… Read more

Man, mad at Internet seller, texts him Shakespeare (all of it)

Getting mad occasionally results in getting even, but often only in getting madder.

Ultimately, the whole point of revenge isn't even to get even at all. It's to feel that you have.

Edd Joseph needed to feel better about an internet transaction. As the Bristol Post declaims it, he bought a PS3 online for 80 British pounds (around $132) on the Gumtree site and the transaction went perfectly.

Except for the tiny detail that he didn't receive his PS3.

This he deemed an arrow of outrageous fortune. So he mulled and cogitated and pondered and thought therefore … Read more

Glasshole heaven: Hotel offers free drink if you wear Glass

Being seen in public wearing Google Glass is a statement.

Some, though, see it as a statement that you are tone-deaf, socially blind, and congenitally self-righteous.

Casinos have banned it and one Seattle restaurant owner described Google Glass wearers as "man children stinkin' up the joint."

But now one joint has come to Glassholes' rescue. As the San Francisco Chronicle reports, the Stanford Court, in San Francisco's snooty Nob Hill, is welcoming Glass wearers.

Indeed, it's not just opening its arms. It's opening its pockets, by offering a free cocktail to anyone who DOES wear Glass in its Aurea Lounge.… Read more

The enchanting Tesla ad that wasn't made by Tesla

You'll see quite a few Teslas in the San Francisco Bay Area.

They're like plaid shirts for the affluent. They say: "I'm cool, but I care."

The greatest joy of the Tesla isn't that it's electric, or that you can talk to other cool, caring people as you stand at the charging station at your local organic supermarket.

It's that it's a genuinely beautiful car. It's almost a pity that it's so socially and politically correct.

Like the most beautiful products, the car is the best advertisement of all. … Read more

This is how much you get on Google's nerves

Will you just look at yourself?

You spend half your day making doltish queries of sublime technology. You can't write a coherent sentence. You have no idea how to tell if you're pregnant. You can't even pronounce Dogecoin.

That is the view Google would have of you, if Google was a regular guy.

This, though, is the second edition of College Humor's "If Google Was A Guy."

The first merely skimmed the surface of the pain an ordinary guy would have being Google.

This one introduces a vital new character: the NSA Guy.

He … Read more